Your internal dialogue.
Yes, that little voice that never shuts up.
I’m fat, I’m thin, I’m ugly, I’m shy, I’m this, I’m that, I’m a bastard, I won’t make it, this will fail, I’m a zero left, I never achieve anything, I don’t even know why I bother, etc… etc… etc…
Do you see what I’m talking about yet?
Of course, you do.
It happens to all of us.
This is perhaps one of the most destructive attitudes we can have regarding our personal or professional lives.
But why is it so destructive, you may be wondering.
Let’s use the way the brain works to try to explain this process in a somewhat symbolic, but at the same time, very real way.
Our brain is divided, in a very simplistic way, into two large areas:
We usually call the conscious mind and occupy about 10% of the brain. We usually call the unconscious mind (or subconscious, depending on preference and branch of activity) and occupies about 90% of our brain.
In our subconscious mind lives a hilarious little figure, similar to the talking cricket in the story of Pinocchio, and it is aware of everything that goes on in our lives and records all the details around us, even those that we consciously ignore.
Keep this in mind, and let’s now take another point to illustrate this – a little exercise that can be done by everyone who has a driver’s license (for those who don’t, you might want to think of a similar way to do this without breaking the law).
To see how much this harms you, the next time you are driving home, when you stop at a red light, do the following exercise:
Close your eyes.
And say to yourself, in a very loud voice.
Very loudly! (You’d better be alone in the car, otherwise…):
“I’m going to let the car go down!”
“I’m going to let the car go down!”
“I’m going to let the car crash!”
“I’m gonna let the car go down!”
“I’m gonna let the car go down!”
“I’m gonna let the car go down!”
At least seven times in a row and loudly!
Next, try to drive the car when the traffic light opens and analyze what happens.
You see, our unconscious mind, which never sleeps and is always attentive, hears the first time and asks you:
Hey, do you really really, want to let the car go down?
He actually finds it strange and asks us again.
But are you sure you really, really want to let the car go down?
Given our insistence, who is he to ignore an order given with such certainty and clarity?
What happens here is that we even smile, we even say to ourselves, “Hmmm… José Almeida must have been joking.”
And all smiles, we get ready to take off.
The curious thing is that there is always a muscle spasm, a tremor, or something that makes us go down!
One of the greatest needs our brain has is the need for congruence.
Congruence between what we say and what we do, what we think we are and how we appear to others on the outside, etc.
If this happens with an example as simple as this, imagine what this doesn’t do for the rest of your life.
The truth is that what we focus on is what we get, accomplish, achieve.
And to go through life with this little voice inside, always so negative, is, in fact, highly harmful to you.
If we plan to fail, we will surely fail.
If nothing else, our unconscious will eventually help us make it happen.
Now, can I tell you a secret?
Do you know the best thing about the past?
It’s that it’s already past.
There is no point in living your life conditioned by failed experiences.
It would be like driving your car always looking in the rearview mirror.
Sooner or later, it’s going to screw up, and we’re going to crash.
Now think with me!
Do you have the ability to control all the things that happen to you?
Of course not!
We do have the ability to react positively or negatively to what happens to us.
And the more flexible we are in our approach to the challenges that life throws at us, the greater the success we will have ahead of us.
Now, what can we do to this little voice that won’t let go?
Quite simply, shout!
And shout, in the literal sense of the word.
If you are alone, why not do it out loud?
It’s good to shout once in a while.
If you are in company, do it mentally.
And then try to pick up the train of thought in another, more positive direction.
For example, if you keep hearing:
“I will fail, I will fail, I will fail, it will go wrong, it will go wrong, etc.”
Shout, “Stop!
And say to yourself very strongly:
“I will make it; it will go well, we will get there, etc.”
Make this little routine a habit.
For the next 21 days, practice it continuously.
You will see that once you internalize it, you will have much more flexibility in your approach to the challenges that come your way, and things will start to go much better for you with your new attitude.
Go for it! You will see that it costs nothing!
And the next time you go to sell, stop and think about this for a moment. Do you believe that what you tell yourself does not influence the outcome of the sales you get?
Selling is much more than just making phone calls, meetings, and proposals. There are many psychological aspects underneath the sale, which will make sales fail if not properly worked out.
Also published on Medium.
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